Life Without You
by HOTTERTHNU
Summary: Seth wishes he were never born...and finds out what life is like without him. PG-13 for some language.
1. Wish My Life Away

**Life Without You**

****

**Disclaimer: **McG and Josh Schwartz own the O.C., I just wish I did.

**Summary:** Seth sails away, wondering if anyone really cared about his life. What happens when he wishes to never have been born?

**A/N: **Not sure if this idea has been done before, but I've always wanted to dabble in the supernatural genre. So here you go…

His only company was a few seagulls inspecting the Summer Breeze.

The sun high in the sky, beads of sweat were beginning to roll down Seth's forehead. His face was sticky with perspiration, and he was beginning to wish he'd gotten that haircut before setting sail after all.

But he'd had to get out of Newport, away from everyone and everything.

Staying just another minute would have been enough time for Ryan, Summer, or worse, his parents, to talk Seth out of leaving.

Somehow, Seth wasn't so sure they would try to stop him.

Ryan hadn't cared enough about him to stay.

Summer had given up on Seth because her father didn't like him.

And his parents sure as hell didn't care. They'd given him permission to go on this trip _last_ summer, before Ryan came into the picture.

He was sure they wouldn't mind. Only a tiny seed of doubt planted in Seth's mind forced him to believe they would notice his absence.

Seth had been having second thoughts lately.

Should he have taken the Summer Breeze on a voyage to Tahiti?

Having no one to talk to was already shaping up to be not so great, and the prospect of 40 more isolated days was not quite welcoming.

Well…there was always God.

Jesus _and_ Moses had spoken with God, been in touch with God. Hell, both of Seth's religions worshipped the same God.

"God, hi, it's me, Seth Cohen. What am I saying? Of course you know who I am. Anyways, I wanted to say hey, get acquainted, all that good stuff, because we're going to be having a lot of time to get to know each other. Well, at least you're going to get to know me. I like to talk, my friends call it rambling, but either way, I do it a lot."

Seth sighed, shielding his face from the sun with his hands. Sure, he'd brought sunscreen with SPF 45, but being outdoors all day and night, he wasn't very well protected from the sun.

It was almost summer, and soon it would be hotter than ever. Seth winced as he tried not to think of the 100 degree weather that was just around the corner.

It was easier to get _that_ off his mind than the other summer.

Summer.

She was probably hooking up with random water polo players. She'd probably also forgotten about him.

No one probably even cared that he'd left. Without him, things would return to normal. They'd forget he had ever existed, and slowly Seth Cohen would fade into the oblivion that he was doomed to.__

"God, it's me again. Seth Cohen. Uh…I feel like the whole world is against me. My brother left, my girlfriend hates me, and my own parents haven't even sent the Coast Guard after me yet. Maybe things would have been better if I wasn't even born. Can you do that, God? 'Cause I think everyone's life would be better if I was never there."

Hours later… 

Seth squinted at the bright light. How long had he been asleep.

A voice boomed out of nowhere.

_Seth Cohen, we've been expecting you._

"Huh?" Seth scratched his head as he looked around. Where was the Summer Breeze? And more importantly, where was the ocean? Had he washed up on some deserted island? And was it bad that he was hearing voices?

_Seth Cohen. You are Seth Cohen, right?_

"The one and only," Seth replied nervously to the voice inside his head. This was getting a little freaky. Why was he having a conversation with himself?

A slight chuckle came out of…well, Seth wasn't quite sure where it was coming from.

_Seth, your wish came through about four hours ago. Aren't you the boy who wished he was never born?_

Seth racked his brain. Had he said that?

"Yeah, that's me," he agreed. Okay, whoever was playing the joke on him had better stop, or else…

_Seth, do you really want to have never existed?_

"I don't know," Seth responded truthfully. "I guess. At this point I don't think anyone has noticed I'm gone. So won't it be easier if I was never there _to_ miss?"

Another chuckle. Seth didn't think it was _that_ funny; in fact, he didn't find it funny at all.

_You're going to find out, Seth. Very, very soon._

Seth blinked, and when he opened his eyes there was another living soul in front of him.

Except it appeared to be glowing.

And the human, wait, was it just a body? It was wearing wings on its back.

Of course, it was sheathed in a white gown/sheet thing.

"Ryan? Summer? Come on, this isn't funny. Who are you?" he pointed to the thing encased in white. Maybe this was all a bad dream… If it was, Seth wanted nothing more than to wake up.

"I'm your guardian angel, Seth," the white thing spoke. So it was a human.

"Hilarious, really," Seth forced a laugh, "But come on, who are you?"

"I'm your guardian angel," it responded.

Seth decided to play along, whether it was a dream or someone playing a joke on him. "Okay, Mr. Guardian Angel. What's my brother's name?"

"You don't have a brother. Ryan Atwood is your adopted brother, though."

Anyone could've known that, Seth deduced. Especially if it was his overly active imagination or one of his friends or acquaintances from Newport.

"Okay…" Seth tried to think of a harder question, one not just anybody would be able to answer. "Where was I born?"

"California," came the answer.

That was too vague for Seth. He decided to ask the being—at this point he wasn't sure _what_ it was—where in California he was born. But before he could put flip the words off his tongue, the being answered.

"Berkeley. You moved to Newport Beach when you were three."

Wait. What? How? Who?

Seth folded his arms defiantly, trying not to show his fear and awe.

"Don't be scared, Seth," the being was approaching him now. When it touched him, Seth felt a familiar shiver pulsate through his body.

"I'm not," he insisted, in a true Summer fashion. "Okay, maybe a little."

"Come with me," his guardian angel said. "I've got something to show you."

Seth hung his head and followed the guardian angel—if the being _was_ his guardian angel—not sure where he was going, and what he was going to see.

The angel led Seth to a small door. It really _was_ small; Seth couldn't even duck his head to fit through it.

"Uh…" Seth started, "I can't get through there."

The angel smiled, a sad, tired smile. "Seth, you've got to believe."

Seth sighed. "Okay," he exhaled slowly. "I believe I can fit through that ridiculously tiny door."

Sure enough, when Seth ducked his head and thrust it through the door, he didn't hit the wall. Instead, he was now in a room with white stairs and clouds floating all around.

"Who decorates this place?" Seth asked, half joking, half curious.

"God." The angel began to descend the steps. Once his head was shrouded in clouds, he said, "Seth, follow me, okay?"

As Seth peered over the side of the staircase, all he saw was swirling white fluff. A sight, which, to say the least, was not exactly comforting to him. A huge lump of alarm rose in Seth's throat. "You'll catch me, right?"

"Of course, Seth. I'm your _guardian_ angel," the angel laughed, a sweet, melodic laugh. Seth wondered, was his angel a man or a woman? He hadn't really been able to tell, and wasn't sure whether or not it made a difference. But all the same, Seth wanted to know.

Seth climbed down the stairs, willing himself not to look down.

After what seemed like an eternity he felt his feet touch down on the ground.

"You okay?" his angel asked, seeing Seth gasp and wheeze.

"Yeah…I-I'm fine, just give me a second," Seth panted, trying to catch his breath.

The angel assumed Seth was finished, and began to speak. "Now I have to explain the rules to you."

"Rules? What kind of rules? Like, curfew rules?"

The angel shook its head forlornly. "Seth, you're about to find out what life would be like if you were never born."

"Still not following you. Not really," Seth admitted. This wasn't mildly amusing anymore. It wasn't even a bad dream. It was actually happening. He'd never been born. Wow.

"The rules are as follows. You can look, but do not touch. If you touch someone, they will feel your presence, even though they cannot see you. Do not do this. Are we clear, Seth? Don't leave anything, and I mean _anything_. For example, if you were to leave your shoe behind, it would become visible a few hours after you left. So don't leave anything. I think that's about it. Wait, sign here," the angel produced a clipboard from out of nowhere and handed Seth a pen. Without reading the paper, Seth scribbled his signature on it.

"Are you ready?" the angel asked.

"Ready as I'll ever be, " Seth braced himself. "What are we doing again?"

"You'll see," the angel told him, and began to walk away.

Seth followed after his angel. They went through another, larger door, and ended up in the alleyway of what looked like the slums of New York.

"Where are we?" Seth asked, beginning to get nervous again.

"In good time, Seth, in good time," the angel said, reminding Seth to be patient.

They emerged from the alleyway just in time to see the cops breaking up a fight.

_Run, Ryan, run._

_Get out of here, you bastards._

_Don't let us catch you again!_

"Chino," Seth said weakly, as if someone had just punched his stomach—hard.

The guardian angel took Seth's hand. "Come on. You have to do this, Seth. It's what you wanted."


	2. Ryan

**Life Without You**

****

**Disclaimer:** McG and Josh Schwartz own the O.C., I just wish I did.

**Summary:** Seth sails away, wondering if anyone really cared about his life. What happens when he wishes to never have been born?

**A/N:** 20 reviews for the first chapter?! You guys are too good to me! I love you all! I hope this story doesn't disappoint you, because I'm afraid it might. Review, please. (By the way, thank you for all the positive comments on my one shots. They're so sweet and encouraging, but I can't reply to them because the stories are standalones. Just wanted to say thanks. I'll keep writing them, just let me know when you like them!)

Seth and his angel following the scattering boys. Seth nervously sidestepped one of the officers, heeding the angel's words from before.

They headed in the direction the teenagers had fled. When they turned the corner, Seth noticed two Caucasian boys, contrasting with their tan Latino counterparts.

"Ryan and Trey?" Seth asked, pointing to the group. The angel nodded. "I guess we follow them."

Trailing the gang of boys at a leisurely pace, Seth fought the urge to run up to Ryan and see if he noticed him.

"Don't even think about it," Seth's angel warned, surprising Seth. This angel…he still wasn't sure if angels were male, female, or neither…it could read his mind. _That_ scared and delighted Seth at the same time. Seth had always insisted to Summer that he was somewhat telepathic, but Summer, being the cynic that she was, had merely laughed.

He was pretty sure that he wouldn't be able to read the angel's mind, but if the angel could read his…that was still pretty cool.

Seth looked ahead of him to the boys, who were piling into a rusted burgundy van. He looked beside him, to his guardian angel, as if to say, _what now?_

"Now," the angel smiled sadly, "We continue following them." It squeezed Seth's hand, as if trying to reassure him. For what, Seth wasn't sure, but something bad was liable to happen now.

Before he knew it, there was a motorcycle with a passenger basket attached alongside it.

"Sweet," Seth hoisted one leg over the side of the motorcycle.

Ever so patiently, the angel pointed to the basket. "Get in," he ordered. Seth whimpered, but the angel gave him a fierce look, so he hopped into the basket.

"Don't you have wings?" Seth asked, strapping on the lapbelt. "And…are you sure this thing is safe?"

His guardian angel chuckled, a chuckle similar to the one Seth had heard yesterday. Was it yesterday? Seth wasn't sure. Years, months, days, or minutes, any amount of time could've gone by and he had lost track of time.

"_I've_ got wings, but you don't. And this thing is safe, Seth. Remember, you've got to believe," the angel revved the engine and sped off. Seth was jerked back in his seat by the sudden force.

"Way to give a guy notice," Seth grumbled, sitting back up. "I'd much rather have wings, by the way."

At this, the angel just smirked. "Sure you do."

The tarnished van soon stopped in front of an old warehouse. The boys got out of it and disappeared into the building. The angel parked the motorcycle, cut the engine, and Seth unbuckled the seatbelt. Walking into the warehouse, Seth turned to his angel.

"I can leave anytime, right?"

"Well…" the angel considered this. "Technically, yes. God wants you here a certain amount of time. So even if you leave the warehouse, there might be more you are bound to see."

Seth shrugged. "Okay. Let's do it."

They crept into the building. Seth wasn't quite sure why; according to the angel, the boys wouldn't be able to see them, hear them, or _really_ feel them. Still, he felt sneaky and dangerous.

Ryan, Trey, and the Latino boys were huddled in one corner of the dark, musty warehouse. The ground was covered in a thin layer of sawdust. Seth could only imagine what the warehouse had been used for. A blackened pit lay in the center of the concrete floor. Across from the entrance they'd just come from, Seth noticed another pair of double doors. Good. Two escape routes.

Seth stood by the doors, unsure of what to do next. The angel led him by the hand to Ryan.

"Are they coming or what?" Trey asked, glancing at the closed double doors.

"Doesn't look like it. I knew they wouldn't show, didn't I tell you, Arturo?" Ryan responded.

"Shut up, Ryan," the guy who must've been Arturo glared at the blonde-haired boy. "They'll be here."

Murmurs along the lines of 'Dominic's such a pussy' and 'We gotta fuck them up good' resounded throughout the empty warehouse. Seth found himself shivering, and wishing he had a coat.

"That's Arturo! Theresa's brother," Seth realized, looking at the tall, medium-skinned teenager who bore a striking resemblance to Theresa.

A sound like a gunshot reverberated throughout the warehouse. Seth ducked, although he realized that it was pointless. With his guardian angel right next to him, he had nothing to worry about. Add that to the fact that nobody could see him. The doors burst open and a small swarm of boys entered the building. Trey, Arturo, and the rest of the gang turned around, surprised.

Seth couldn't be sure, but he thought he saw Ryan recoil at the loud blare. He shook his head. Ryan Atwood wasn't afraid of anything. At least the Ryan Atwood Seth knew wasn't afraid of anything. He'd only been in Chino for a short while, but already Seth could tell that it was a hell of a lot more perilous than Newport.

Trey, who seemed to be the leader of the pack, walked in front of his group.

"Yo, Dominic, you made it," he smirked. "But how do possibly expect to settle this with those youngsters? They don't look older than 13, maybe fourteen."

A tall, dark skinned boy stepped forward. Seth guessed that he was Dominic. "Why don't you let our skills do the talkin', Trey? Unlike you, we ain't all talk."

"Fine," Trey snapped. "Let's get it on."

He turned back, as if to hold one last meeting with the boys standing behind him, then whipped his body around and rushed towards Dominic. Trey plowed into the boy, who was a good four inches taller than him, sending him flying backwards and into the crowd of boys.

Soon it was man on man, or in this case, boy on boy.

"Ryan, wait," Seth called urgently, as Ryan punched a short boy, who couldn't be more than twelve, in the stomach.

"Seth, he can't hear you," the angel reminded him. Downcast, Seth watched the fight unfold.

Although Ryan was one of the youngest members of the gang, he was obviously one of the most skilled fighters. Seth silently thanked God for giving Ryan an older brother to teach him the ropes.

He stood leaning against the wall, knowing that there was no way he could stop the fight. It was clear that Trey and his buddies were beating the others to a pulp. Seth watched Dominic reach into his pants, and pull out a gun.

"Look out!" Seth shouted, and shockingly, everyone turned to look at Dominic, who was waving the gun around wildly. "He's got a gun!"

"I thought they couldn't hear me," Seth crossed his arms pompously.

"They didn't," the guardian angel pointed to Ryan. "They can hear him though."

Seth sighed. He'd been _so_ close to connecting with the other side. Wait, was he on one side? That would entail his being dead, which he didn't think was true. Whatever. Maybe he was in between worlds—that of the living and that of the dead.

Two shots.

"Shit," Seth heard Ryan say. "Trey, are you okay?"

So they'd shot Trey. Seth charged forward, but felt himself being held back by the angel.

"Seth…" the angel warned. "Don't."

Another shot. Then another.

Two cries.

A siren could be heard wailing in the not-so-far distance.

"Let's get out of here," a few voices cried. Seth shut his eyes. The earlier cries had sounded too much like…He opened his eyes and saw Ryan lying on the chill concrete ground.

"Can you walk, man?" Trey asked his little brother, nursing a wound on his arm. A Latino boy from Dominic's gang had garnered a piggyback ride from one of the other boys. Yet another one was lying on the floor, clutching his stomach.

"No," Ryan whispered. His face had become deathly pale. "Go ahead, Trey. I'll be fine."

Trey took one last look at his brother and Seth could've sworn he whispered the words _I'm sorry_. But he couldn't be sure, for in the next instant Trey had disappeared out the doors.

The sirens were piercing now; the cops weren't too far away from the warehouse.

Seth shook his head. He'd never wanted Ryan to get in this kind of trouble. Honestly, he couldn't imagine the Ryan he knew getting into this kind of trouble.

Then it hit Seth: This Ryan wasn't the Ryan he knew.

When he thought his angel wasn't looking, or at least not paying close attention, Seth ran towards Ryan. He knelt down next to his bleeding brother. Or the boy who used to be his brother.

"Ryan, are you okay?" Seth asked, even though he knew Ryan couldn't hear him. Ryan cocked his head, as if trying to place a sound he'd heard. He shook his head, and weakly lowered it to the hard surface.

"Seth, no. Step away from Ryan. Now," the guardian angel pleaded. Seth ignored the angel and brushed Ryan's hair out of his face. He was badly in need of a Band-Aid and some Neosporin. More importantly, he was badly in need of a loyal family and caring, worried mother.

Goosebumps immediately infested Ryan's body. Seth withdrew his hand, feeling guilty. He could see Ryan, hear Ryan, and touch Ryan. Ryan couldn't see, hear, or _really _touch Seth. Heck, he didn't even know Seth was there. And if he did, he wouldn't have known just who the pale, skinny Jewish boy was, and what he was doing in the warehouse.

"Seth," the angel's voice was weary. "You can't do that."

"Well I just did," Seth retorted, suddenly annoyed with all of the rules. "Please," he begged, "just let me give him a hug."

The angel relented. "Fine. But if I get in trouble with the big guy, you're taking the blame."

Seth kneeled over Ryan, who was, at this point, shaking uncontrollably. He gently wrapped his arms around Ryan, who ceased the trembling.

Three officers burst through the double doors Seth and his angel had originally entered through, guns drawn.

"Get up," one yelled to Ryan, then saw that he couldn't get up. Another officer marched over to the Latino boy and handcuffed him, not bothering to ask how he was feeling. The boy was, in fact, on the verge of unconsciousness.

"You have the right to remain silent," the third officer stated, then began to list the boys' rights.

The first officer helped Ryan to his feet and helped him limp to one of the police cars. The other two officers hoisted the Latino boy between them and rushed him to the second car. After depositing both boys in the cars, the officers returned to the warehouse to make sure there were no other left-behinds.

Seth stood there, frozen, not willing himself to believe what had just happened. In the course of one day—one day when he and Ryan could've been battling it out on the PS2—Ryan had managed to get chased away, shot, and arrested.

Seth followed the officers out the doors, the guardian angel on his tail. He quickly walked over to the car where Ryan was laying in the backseat, and began to open the door. Seth wasn't going to let Ryan go alone. He didn't deserve this, didn't need this. This wasn't right.

Seth felt a gentle yet insistent tugging on his shirt.

"Seth, it's time to go," the guardian angel said emotionlessly.

"But…" Seth gestured to Ryan. "Fine," he agreed miserably.

The angel patted him on the back. "God wants to have a word with you before we proceed."

Seth grimaced. He had a terrible, sinking feeling in his stomach that things were only going to go downhill from here.


	3. God & Kirsten Cooper

**Life Without You**

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**Disclaimer:** McG and Josh Schwartz own the O.C., I just wish I did.

**Summary:** Seth sails away, wondering if anyone really cared about his life. What happens when he wishes to never have been born?

**A/N:** Thanks for the reviews again. I wanted to address a review written by Tyler Ginger, on my story Oh, the Drama. As most people know, this story has been finished for months. Tyler, if you're out there, I wanted to bring this to your attention. I'm not a sucky updater, at least not _that_ lazy. It's finished. Glad you like the story but please continue reading my other ones, because I don't take that long to update. And don't tell people not to read my stories, please? Back to the story…Hope you guys like this chapter, I'll try to have the Sandy chapter up later this weekend.

_Seth, what were you thinking?_

There was that booming voice again. Seth looked all around, but as far as the eye could see, there was white. It hurt his head to look at the fresh, crisp white walls, ceiling, and floor.

"God?" Seth asked dubiously.

_Seth, I'm right here._

"Where?"

_Inside you, around you. I'm everywhere, Seth, can't you see?_

"Yeah," Seth lied, but really he wasn't following God.

_You're lying. _

Seth remained silent. So God could read his mind too? He shook his head, of course God could. Weren't the angels only parts of him? It made sense…sort of.

"Just relax, Seth," Seth's angel said, but when Seth turned around, he/she/it was gone.

"I'm trying," Seth puffed, not sure whom he was speaking to.

_Seth, you can't just do that. Do you know what sort of damage control I'm going to have to do now? Ryan felt, Seth, he felt. He knew there was something from…over here._

"I'm sorry," Seth hung his head, imagining God could somehow see his shame.

_Sorry doesn't cut it, Seth._

"I'm really sorry, though," Seth repeated. "Please, just please don't make me go back. I'll go anywhere, but don't make me go back there."

_This is what you wanted, Seth. Isn't it?_

Seth ran his fingers through his unruly mop. God's words echoed dully in his head. At this point he wasn't sure whether God was speaking to him, through him, or what. All he knew was that he didn't want to see anymore. He'd seen enough.

"It's what I thought I wanted," Seth answered. "But I know now that I don't."

_You know, I don't normally grant wishes like these._

"Well, thanks, but I think I've had enough."

_When will you learn, Seth?_

Another thunderous chuckle. Seth felt himself teetering, but he didn't fall.

_Take him away. He's going to be stuck in his wish until he learns…_

Seth opened his mouth to protest but realized that God was no longer talking to him, and most definitely had closed the conversation.

Seth rubbed his eyes, still stinging from the bright white atmosphere.

"Seth," the angel materialized before him. "Let's go."

"I don't want to."

Seth felt his arm being pulled harshly. "You don't have a choice."

The stairway appeared before them, and again Seth slowly descended it.

"Don't break the rules this time," the angel warned, as he snapped his fingers and the motorcycle popped up.

Seth nodded, not sure if he'd be able to control his emotions again. He looked around; they were in a nice, gated community with sprawling mansions.

"Are we…" Seth began to question, but the angel answered before he had a chance.

"We're in your neighborhood," the guardian angel said. "Actually, your_ old_ neighborhood," it amended.

Seth felt like crying. He'd wished for this…but somehow, it wasn't as good as he'd thought it would be. Ryan's life was going down the drain, and Seth didn't know how much worse off his parents would be.

"Let's go," the angel ordered, but Seth detected a hint of pity in his voice. What could be wrong with his parents, other than them having _other_ children they loved and lived for?

They drove up the driveway, parking on the side of a Maserati Spyder Seth had never seen before. Sneaking around the back of the house, Seth heard shouts and splashes coming from the backyard.

Four teenagers, none of whom Seth recognized, were playing chicken in the infinity pool. Two girls—one brunette and one golden brown—were on the shoulders of two boys, one who bore an uncanny resemblance to Jimmy Cooper, only younger, and more muscular.

"Stop it, Nathan," the brunette shrieked, wildly swaying on the boy's shoulders. Seth wasn't sure if Nathan was the girl's boyfriend, or if he lived in the Cohen house.

"Nathan, the pizza's here," Seth saw his mom, Kirsten, pop her head out of the main house. So Nathan was his "replacement". Sort of…Seth suddenly felt like punching someone as Nathan eased the dark haired girl off his shoulders, jumped out of the pool, and slung his arm around Kirsten Cohen. She was Seth's mom, not his.

"Where's Dad?" Seth asked the angel.

"Um," the angel hesitated, "Maybe you should look around yourself."

Seth walked into the house, wondering what the angel had meant. He walked into the kitchen, which, Seth was glad to see, had remained the same. He was also glad to see that his mom was still not making an attempt to cook, judging by the pizza boxes on the counter.

Jimmy Cooper came in, and Seth smiled. At least the Coopers were still his next-door neighbors. His heart sunk, and his jaw dropped, when Jimmy kissed Kirsten on the cheek, which induced a _yuck_ from Nathan. _Yuck is right_, Seth thought. So Kirsten Cohen wasn't Kirsten Cohen…she was Kirsten Cooper.

"So, Jimmy's Nathan's dad," Seth said lamely. Where was Sandy? Had he and Kirsten every met? This was like a joke gone horribly wrong. His mom couldn't be married to Marissa's dad…

"Your mom got pregnant the same time Julie did," the angel explained. "But since Jimmy loved your mom he paid Julie a lot of money to hightail it out of his life."

"So, there's no Marissa?" Seth asked, finding himself strangely missing the girl who'd caused so much grief in Ryan's life. Maybe he had been too hard on her before he and Ryan left. It wasn't _only_ her fault…

The guardian angel shook its head forlornly. "I'm afraid not."

Seth made a gagging noise when his mom leaned in for another kiss. He had to stop thinking of her like that…otherwise, things would be just _too _weird. She was Kirsten Cooper, and didn't have a son named Seth.

"Mom, Dad," Nathan groaned. "Woah, separate seats, you guys. Come on, there's no sex in the champagne room."

_Wait a second_…Seth thought, _That's my line._

"Remind me to tell my mom that she and Jimmy would have never worked," Seth requested, taking his angel's hand and squeezing it tight. His mom seemed happy…but the angel had looked sad when telling him whom they were visiting. As much as Seth hated to see his parents with anyone but each other, he hoped his dad was happy too.

"Can do." The angel saluted smartly, then broke out into a smile. "It's time to go."

"One more look around," Seth begged, and the angel consented. He waved to his mom, not realizing that a single tear was rolling down his cheek. "I love you mom. I probably don't tell you that enough, and I probably shouldn't make fun of your cooking…I'm sorry."

Seth promised himself that he would never say he hated his parents again. Seeing Nathan with them…seeing his mom with Jimmy…it made him realize just what he was missing.

They left the Cohen, ahem, Cooper house and Seth got into the motorcycle side-basket, but not without a bit of grumbling.

"Well, you handled that quite well," Seth's guardian angel commended him, "but you'd better behave when we see Sandy."

"I will," Seth promised, crossing his fingers behind his back.

Whether or not the angel knew this, it chose to ignore it. Instead, the angel sighed and pressed down on the gas pedal.

Seth wondered what could be so bad about his father's life. Whatever it was, the angel was becoming increasingly apprehensive, and gripped the handlebars firmly. Seth told himself to relax…but it was easier said than done.


	4. Sandy

**Life Without You**

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**Disclaimer:** McG and Josh Schwartz own the O.C., I just wish I did.

**Summary:** Seth sails away, wondering if anyone really cared about his life. What happens when he wishes to never have been born?

**A/N:** Thanks for the reviews, as always. You're all the best, really! Sorry about the lack of updates…family birthdays prevented me from writing, but I'm back. So expect a bunch of updates and new stories in the next few days, because I've only got finals this week, so I don't have to be in school the whole day. Oh also, thank you to the person who pointed out that the angel said a few curse words in the last chapter. I've fixed that! It was very careless of me, so thanks for pointing it out—and nicely too! Bear with me for I've never been to Harlem, only heard the stories. I don't know whether there is a DA's office there, or what it would look like. Heck, I don't know if my portrayal of the people who live there is accurate. Sorry if any of it is highly unbelievable. Hope you enjoy this long chapter, I had to write it a few times before it was to my satisfaction.

Seth tightly gripped the sides of the motorcycle car. They were speeding down the 101, or was it another highway? He couldn't be sure, as they were going incredibly fast.

"Why are we going so fast?" Seth wheezed, the air whipping his hair around and scratching at his tender skin.

"We're almost there," the angel promised. Seth squinted and whimpered, his eyes were extremely dry from the excessive amount of air pummeling his body. Had they been traveling for a long time? Seth couldn't tell, he seemed to have lost his sense of time in this alternate universe.

The angel pulled to a stop in a dingy looking parking lot. Grass was growing in random spots along the gravel lot, and a few weathered cars that looked like they'd seen better days were parked. Seth noticed sky and skyscrapers.

"Where are we?" he asked, looking down, and seeing an ant-sized road bustling with cars and people about ten stories below him. "Um, I'm not scared of heights like Ryan, but I don't like _this_."

"Rooftop parking lot of the DA's office," the guardian angel explained.

"In…Newport?" Seth asked, knowing full well that his father's old workplace did not look anything like this.

"No, Harlem."

"And my dad works here?" Seth asked dubiously. He knew Sandy was a do-gooder, but Harlem?

"Seth, don't be alarmed." The angel took Seth's hand. "Be brave. It'll all be over soon."

Seth scoffed. Sure, it was easy for the angel to say _don't be alarmed_. _It_ wasn't the one seeing how life would be without its presence…

And he didn't know how long _soon_ was in the angel's opinion, but Seth had a feeling it wouldn't come quickly enough.

They walked through a door on the roof and into the stairwell. After walking down three flights of graffiti ridden concrete steps, the angel opened a gray door which was peeling and desperately in need of a fresh coat of paint.

Seth found himself in a shabby hallway with dull beige linoleum tiles. As he followed the angel down the hall, Seth found his foot stuck to the floor. He yanked his leg up, and with it a piece of freshly chewed gum. _Gross_, Seth thought,_ If only mom could see this…_He had to stop thinking about his mom. Otherwise it would just be too hard.

Stopping before a door that read **District Attorney's Office**, Seth clung tightly to the angel's hand…was it a hand though? With his sense of time, Seth had lost all ability to perceive what was real and what wasn't. For all he knew, he was living within a dream—a nightmare, actually.

"Are you ready?" the angel asked, turning the tarnished metal doorknob. Seth noticed a buzzer and speaker on the wall next to the door.

He nodded, half shrugged. "Don't we need to buzz in? And how are we going to pull _that _off? We're supposed to be invisible to everyone."

"Seth, Seth, Seth," the angel laughed God's laugh, only it was not as powerful as the one from before. "Haven't you learned _anything_? I'm an angel…the impossible is possible. How else do you think you're seeing your loved ones' lives unfold as if you weren't a part of them?"

Seth shrugged helplessly. "Can we do this?" The angel gave him a disapproving look as it opened the door to the drab office. There was a receptionist's desk with piles and piles of folders and paperwork, and the phone was ringing off the hook. But there was no receptionist.

A man with slightly graying hair and out of control eyebrows came barreling into the front office.

"That's funny," he said, walking over towards the phone. "I could've sworn I heard the door open…but no one buzzed."

Seth smiled. "It's me, dad," he said, even though Sandy couldn't hear him. Hopefully he would be able to feel Seth, even though he wasn't able to see him. Sandy picked up the phone and began to talk. Seth tuned his conversation out, interested in taking in as much of his father as humanly possible.

Sandy had traded Paul Smith and Versace suits for an old, worn navy blue suit and a plain royal blue tie. Seth shook his head…if only Kirsten could see Sandy now. His dress shirt was black, contrasting severely with his suit and tie. His dress shoes were scuffed and looked like they were a few years old.

Seth tried to rid his mind of Kirsten, but to no avail. Sighing, he turned his attention to Sandy.

"Give me twenty minutes and I'll be at the station," Sandy was promising to someone on the other line. He slammed the phone down and ran back into another part of the unkempt office. Seth tapped his foot anxiously.

"Was that it?" he asked hopefully.

The angel laughed again, piercing Seth's ears. "This isn't the half of it."

_Great,_ Seth thought, _And I thought I was getting off easy._

Sandy reappeared in the main office, keys and cell phone in hand. He brushed passed Seth, stopping dead in his tracks and turning around. His alert eyes searched the room for something…though he wasn't sure what. Sandy thought he might be hallucinating…but hadn't he just felt something brush past him?

"Stay still," the angel ordered. Seth held his breath and focused on a plaque that hung on the wall. He'd learned in ballet class—okay, so it wasn't Seth's fault that Kirsten forced him to go when he was four—to spot something so you could keep your balance.

Sandy stood stock-still for another moment, then shook his head and left the office.

"Seth." The angel seemed somewhat concerned. "Something weird is going on. They can all _feel._ I mean, at first I thought Ryan could feel because you touched him…but Sandy, you didn't even touch him, he barely brushed by you."

"So this doesn't usually happen?" Seth asked. Should _he_ be worried? Seth didn't see a reason to be concerned, so he decided to let the angel handle that.

The angel shook its head. "I'm not sure if this is all part of the plan…" he mused. Then, "Come on, we've got to follow Sandy."

They ran out of the office, pounded up a few flights of the concrete stairs, and out onto the rooftop parking lot, where Sandy was starting the engine of his blue '92 Camaro and preparing to head on the exit ramp down to street level.

Seth hopped in the basket of the motorcycle; it was routine to him by now. He could only imagine the jokes Sandy would make—and Ryan would try to make—if they saw him in the basket, an angel driving the motorcycle. Too bad they couldn't. In a way though, it was good, because Seth would have _a lot_ of explaining to do if he showed up like that.

They sped off, and Seth closed his eyes and held his breath, not wanting the smog-filled city air that got trapped between the buildings to permeate his insides. He'd heard that city smog, particularly New York City smog, was especially terrible.

Soon they arrived in front of a nondescript building with the words **Harlem Juvenile Detention Center.** The angel parked the motorcycle next to the building, and dropped a few coins into the parking meter that was on the street.

"Why are you doing that?" Seth asked, eyeing the angel curiously.

"Seth, part of being an angel is helping others." The angel gave Seth another weary smile.

They walked inside the detention center and saw Sandy disappear into a door marked **Authorized Personnel Only**. Quickening their pace, Seth and the angel pushed the door open and jogged down the dimly lit hallway. Well, Seth jogged, the angel seemed to float along.

Seth loved this feeling…of being a VIP. Well, technically, nobody knew he was there, so its not like he was getting the special treatment or anything. It was just the fact that he could bypass security detours and whatnot. Added to the fact was his new ability to travel across a country in…well, Seth wasn't sure how long it had taken, but he knew it was a _very_ short period of time.

Soon they came to a large open room with battered wooden chairs and tables. A few kids sat scattered around the room, adults sitting across from them. Guards stood by, monitoring the visits. Seth spotted Sandy speaking with a tall, broad-shouldered woman guard holding a clipboard. She nodded and disappearing through another door. Sandy stood; hands clasped nervously behind his back, until another guard came through the same doors the woman had gone through, dragging a boy sharply by the arm.

Seth and the angel walked over the table where the boy sat down, seeing Sandy approach the damaged table. There were threats carved into the wood, threats which Seth chose to ignore, because if he read them he'd be scared out of his mind.

"How are you doing, Ryan?" Sandy asked the scruffy looking kid. He had shaggy blond hair and bore a striking resemblance to Ryan. Seth knew that this was no coincidence. Or was it?

The boy refused to meet Sandy's eyes and muttered a response. "Fine."

"They treating you okay here?"

Shrugging, "I guess." Ryan began to pick at his fingernails, which were yellowed and stubby, save his pinky nail. While yellowed, his pinky nail was long and rounded. Seth guessed this was the famous pinky those stoned kids sported, for keeping certain white substances…

"Ryan, this is the third time this year. And it's only April." Sandy sighed and continued. "Look at me, Ryan, do you really want to waste your life like this?"

The kid looked up for a minute, and then lowered his eyes again. "What's it to you?"

"I've seen too many kids out on the streets. They end up dead or in jail. Do you want that? Do you?" Sandy's anger flared, and Seth could honestly say he'd only seen his father this angry once or twice. And this kid wasn't even his own. Seth didn't know what his father saw in these kids. Obviously it was something special.

"Ryan? Don't you ignore me like that!" Sandy was yelling now. The kid stood up, pulled back his fist…

"Dad! Look out," Seth yelled, and for a split second he could've sworn Sandy turned his head in the direction Seth was standing. Which was ridiculous, of course, because Sandy couldn't hear him.

Ryan's fist connected with Sandy's jaw, and Sandy stood up indignantly, rubbing his jaw. A guard rushed forward, and another guard followed suit. They each grabbed Ryan by one arm and began to drag him off, hissing threats at the boy.

Sandy shook his head sadly. "Ryan…I'll be back tomorrow." He waved slightly to the seething boy, who was silent as the guards led him through the doors.

Seth had no idea how his father managed to remain so calm, even after Ryan had attacked him. For Pete's sake, how could Sandy even think about returning to visit with Ryan the next day? He was seriously dedicated to his job, in ways that Seth had never realized before.

He stopped to talk with the woman guard, who had returned with her clipboard. Sandy walked out the door and Seth and the angel followed him.

"Let's go," the angel said. "I think you've had enough."

Seth hurried to catch up with the angel, who had quickened its pace. "Wait…that's it? That's all I get with dad?"

Seth surprised the angel with his comment, but most of all he surprised himself. The other places he'd been, he'd been more than happy when the visit was over. But for some reason Seth wanted to see more of Sandy's life, because it was so vastly different than the life he lived as Seth's father and Kirsten's husband.

"I want a little more…please?"

Things were different, Seth had concluded. Of course, it didn't take a rocket scientist to figure that one out. He still wasn't sure whether or not his close friends and family were better off without him.

"Well…" The angel considered Seth's plea. "Okay. But just a little. And when I say its time to go, you're going to have to let go."

"Fine." Quite frankly, Seth was happy that his wish had been granted. Hopefully he wouldn't regret it later.

They continued to follow Sandy out of the detention center and out onto the street. A young boy sat on the steps of a deserted looking apartment building. Seth presumed it to be a center for drug deals and illicit relationships, even though the detention center was across the street. The boy was wearing a white t-shirt that hung to his ankles, and some type of jeans that were falling off as well. Seth could tell he was scared, although his face was defiant and his arms were crossed menacingly. Well…menacingly enough for an eight year old. Seth noticed a purplish-blue ring surrounding one of the boy's eyes. Fighting at such a young age…Seth couldn't help but take pity on the kid.

"Seth? Are you coming?" The angel pulled up beside him, the engine of the motorcycle humming noisily. Seth obligingly got into the cart and away they went, tailgating Sandy's car, which was so beat up that it couldn't even be considered a vintage car. Seth saw Sandy's Beemer in the back of his mind. The Camaro was a big step-down for Sandy, not that _this_ Sandy knew he'd ever owned a BMW.

Sandy parked on a side street and the angel followed suit. He began to walk with his briefcase hugged close to his body, unaware that he was being followed. Or so Seth thought…until Sandy began glancing behind himself every few minutes.

"Shh, stop here." The angel put its finger—a finger?—to Seth's lips and Seth stayed put. After Sandy turned the corner of the next block, the angel motioned that it was okay to continue. "I've never had to deal with this before. It's like…they've got some premonition, or something."

If the angel—Seth's guardian angel—was confused and worried, was that a bad sign?

Finally they turned the corner and saw Sandy entering an apartment building. It had no awning, and Seth felt it safe to assume that it had no doorman either. They walked in the building after Sandy had begun to ascend the wooden stairs, which had been poorly painted a pukish green color.

Sandy stopped at an equally vile green door that read **3C**. He turned the key in the upper and lower locks and stepped inside. The angel took Seth's hand and whooshed them inside before Sandy could close the door and lock its three inside locks. In Newport, while Seth _was_, the Cohens had lived in a gated community with a front door that boasted just one lock. And, as Ryan had showed Seth, it was a door easily opened with a credit card. Some security system the wealthy and elite had.

Seth looked around the apartment once they'd gained access. There was no front hall; the door opened up into a small living room with a table and two folding chairs. A tattered black couch was pushed into a corner, and opposite it was a small television with some sort of homemade antenna. Magazines, newspapers, and plates littered the small room. Seth peered into a doorway and found the kitchen, which was just a tad smaller than the food pantry in the kitchen in his house in Newport. Or what was his house, before Seth had wished himself to cease to exist. A tiny sink was filled with plates, glasses, and eating utensils. Seth poked his head into another doorway, one that actually had a door but was wide open. Ahh, he had found Sandy's bedroom. A double bed with a cheap wire frame served as Sandy's bed, and plain white sheets were spread across the mattress. Seth was almost positive that Kirsten's designer sheets cost more than all of the furniture in Sandy's new room put together. Two dressers stood on either side of the small window, which provided an absolutely _lovely_ view of a trashed baseball field. Well, Seth assumed it had once been a baseball field, but by now most of the grass had been trampled and the bases had long been missing.

"This…" Seth searched for the right word. "Sucks. Majorly."

"It does," the angel agreed. "Although 'sucks' probably isn't the word I would use."

The bedroom floor was littered with dirty socks and shirts. Seth walked into the bathroom, _ahem_, what was considered to be a bathroom. It had a tiny, water stained shower that didn't look like Sandy could fit comfortably in it, and a toilet and sink crammed next to each other.

"So this is what it's like without me, huh?" Seth asked, and the angel kept silent. Was this part of the plan his guardian angel had mentioned earlier? Him realizing that LWS—life without Seth—wasn't all that it was cracked up to be?

"I think it's time to go." The angel patted Seth's back. As they exited the tiny apartment, Seth saw his father sit down on the worn couch and then get up to turn the TV on. So there was no remote for this TV. Gosh, his dad was _really_ living the simple life.

"I'm sorry dad." A single tear slipped down Seth's face. This was his fault…all his fault.

"It's not your fault," the angel whispered. Sandy looked in the direction of the door as Seth and the angel left. Seth looked back, something he regretted doing almost instantly. In his father's eyes was a mixture of loneliness, hope, and pain. Seth wondered what had gone on between him and Kirsten, if anything.

Whatever had gone on between his former parents, obviously the Cohen charm hadn't worked in the usual way.

So Sandy was miserable. Kirsten _seemed _to be happy. Seth hadn't really spent enough time at the Cooper abode to make a proper assessment. He hadn't thought his parents were able to be happy without each other.

If one half of the parental units were happy, did that count enough?

Was Seth really the cause for his parents' happy marriage? Was _he_ the one who had been responsible, if not directly, for bringing Ryan Atwood into the family?

Seth didn't want to see Summer. As the love of his life, Seth knew he'd be heartbroken to see Summer with any guy but himself. And he'd be almost as upset to see her, unchanged, still the same shallow bitch he'd successfully snagged and transformed into a sweet, caring girl.

So maybe he did have an effect on the lives of those around him? Who knew?


	5. Summer

****

Life Without You

Disclaimer: McG and Josh Schwartz own the O.C., I just wish I did.

Summary: Seth sails away, wondering if anyone really cared about his life. What happens when he wishes to never have been born?

A/N: As always, thanks for the reviews. They inspire me to write—especially when I should be studying for finals! Oh well. I hope this chapter is good also, since I've been getting such great feedback I don't want to disappoint you!

Seth closed his eyes and settled into his seat. He hadn't realized how tired he was. _I'll just drift off for a few minutes_, Seth thought to himself.

Within moments…or days, or years, or centuries, Seth was awoken from his dreamland.

"Seth, come on," the angel pulled Seth on to his feet. They were on a beach, a bonfire was blazing a few yards away, and loud music was emanating from behind them.

"Where are we?" Seth blinked a few times. This brought back memories of Ryan's early days in the Cohen household, when they were at Holly's party. Luke and Marissa were still a couple back then, and Summer was still a scared little girl hiding under the blanket of bitchiness.

Seth barely avoided a collision with a _very_ drunk girl and her delighted boyfriend…boy toy…whatever. They were laughing and stumbling over the sand. A group of six boys was gathered around the bonfire. Looking closer, Seth saw Luke. And the lump in his throat that had been growing all the while grew larger. This was not the Luke who liked Rooney and was an outcast, the guy with a gay dad. This was pre-dragon lady Luke. He was looking very much like the 'I want to kick Seth's ass' Luke. Very much so.

But since he couldn't be seen to the naked eye, okay to any eye, Seth wasn't _that _worried. And in the unlikely event that Luke was also able to feel, Seth didn't think Luke had the brains or attention span to find the cause of the weird magnetic force of a invisible person.

"Why don't we go inside?" the angel suggested, seeing the look on Seth's face as he saw Luke and his buddies begin to shove a skinny, curly haired boy around.

Seth stood, watching, his mouth wide open. "Who is that?" Seth asked. _He looks just like me,_ Seth thought to himself.

"You didn't think Luke and his buddies wouldn't find someone else to pick on, if you weren't there, would you?"

Seth shook his head. "No…I just thought…I guess I thought Nathan would be the dork, the outcast."

The angel raised his eyebrows…were they eyebrows? Seth wasn't sure. "Nathan's lived here all his life, you didn't."

Ah. So it was true. You had to be born into this life to fit in. Take Kirsten for example, she was born in Newport and while she left, coming back was no big deal. She was one of them, always had been, and therefore always would be. Seth hadn't been born in Newport, spent his early years there. Of course he would be a loser. It just didn't seem fair that Nathan, his replacement (in a skewed sort of way), was popular, or at least wasn't the butt of cruel jokes.

"So who is…that?" Seth asked, pointing to the curly haired boy, who was currently being dangled upside down for Luke's entertainment pleasure.

"That," the angel paused, as if trying to place the boy, "is Sam Cotter."

He's got the same initials as me, Seth thought.

"What's going to happen to him?"

The angel shook its head unhappily. "My guess is as good as yours, Seth. I suppose they'll leave him there once he passes out…"

Shocked, Seth blurted out, "Where's Ryan?"

Another despondent head shake. "Seth, Ryan's in…"

"Juvie," Seth finished. "I know, I guess I should've thought of that. But doesn't Sam have a Ryan? Maybe his name isn't Ryan, but a kid from Chino or Riverside or wherever the sun doesn't shine…"

"Seth," the angel smiled grimly. "Not everyone is as lucky as you…were."

He took Seth by the elbow and led him up a path. Soon they were in someone's backyard, it looked oddly familiar…

"Holly!" Summer slurred, brushing past Seth and greeting the blonde girl with a kiss on the cheek. She turned around, as if looking for something she didn't know she'd lost.

"Hey," Holly replied, equally drunk. "Where's your boyfriend?"

Summer shrugged. "Luke's probably down on the beach. I'll catch you later, okay?"

"Yeah." Holly grinned stupidly and waved after Summer, who was walking…err, staggering back into the beach house.

Wait. Summer was dating…Luke?

Before Seth could voice his concern and anger and jealousy, the angel began to follow Summer.

"Sad, isn't it?" the guardian angel called over his shoulder.

"How…why…how…" Seth's words formed a jumble of nonsensical thoughts.

"Marissa was never in the picture to steal Luke's heart…I mean, capture it in the first place." 

Summer had been eyeing Ryan at the party, back when Seth was…Seth. Yet Marissa had wanted the new, dangerously good looking guy. And Marissa, it seemed, got what she wanted. There was no denying it, Marissa was a classic beauty. She could manage to look sultry and sexy or classy and glamorous. Summer…she was hot. Oh, there was no question about it. She was all curves and just like her name…hot.

Much as Seth preferred Summer over Marissa, he was glad Marissa always got what she wanted. If it was the other way around, Summer would've ended up with Ryan at some point…or worse, she'd be with Luke.

"Does that mean…" Seth couldn't bear to finish his sentence. _Does that mean if it weren't for Marissa's love of Ryan, Summer would be loving Ryan, and not me?_

"No," the angel settled Seth's inner thoughts and fears. "You and Summer were meant to be. It was written…oh, never mind. Without Marissa, there would've been a few obstacles and bumps in the road, but don't get me wrong--you and Summer were inevitably going to end up together."

That was okay. Seth could deal with that. Maybe he should've cut Marissa some slack; without her, it would've taken longer for him to win Summer over and when he did, his relationship with Ryan would've been strained. Very, very strained.

They entered the house, which was pulsating with the latest Usher single. Seth saw quite a few kids he knew from school, as well as others he didn't know. Summer was chatting it up with a well built blond who had the 'I want to get in your pants' daze on his pretty face.

Summer, who was holding a plastic cup in her hand, drained it, laughed, and said something to the boy. He too chugged his drink and they both set the empty cups down on a table. Seth's insides turned when he saw what they did next…they were heading upstairs. Seth ran to follow them, thumping up the stairs and, quite frankly, not caring whether he broke the rules _this _time. He couldn't let Summer do this. She'd regret it; this Seth knew. And he'd regret letting it happen, even though technically he wasn't living in her world, her life. He just…wasn't.

On the way up the stairs, Summer kept turning around curiously, like she was hearing something. But she saw nothing, and continued up to a room.

Seth reached the top of the stairs and his guardian angel appeared before him, holding a hand up to stop the teenager.

"Don't do anything stupid, Seth," it warned. Seth nodded his head, hoping he wouldn't have to, but God knows he probably wouldn't be able to control his body. The angel dropped its hand…was it a hand, though? Whatever it was, it was dropped and the angel led Seth to a partially closed door. Through it they could hear giggles and then a scream. Seth quietly slipped through the opening in the door and the angel followed suit. Summer and the unnamed pretty boy were kissing wildly in a corner of the room, up against the wall. Summer was laughing and moaning as the boy's hands traveled.

"Get off her, you punk," Seth screamed, but the boy didn't hear him. Obviously not. Instead, he led Summer over to the bed and pushed her down onto it. They began to kiss again, and with each whimper from Summer, Seth's heart was twisted a little bit more.

He turned towards the angel. "Can we go yet?" Seth did not want to stick around for the next part of the show.

"Seth, it's important you see this, but don't _do _anything. You hear me?"

"I hear you," Seth said. He didn't say he would follow the rules though…

Suddenly, a high pitched scream from the middle of the room. The boy was trying to pull Summer's shirt off, and was already shirtless himself.

He slapped her across the face, annoyed. "Take your damn shirt off, bitch!"

"Don't you fucking touch her," Seth yelled back. Summer sat up for a second, staring directly at Seth with this weird, vacant look in her eyes, but was pushed back down on the bed.

Summer began to cry softly as she took off her shirt and covered her chest with folded arms. The boy hurriedly undid his belt, slipped off his pants, and rolled on top of Summer.

"Please, stop, please." Summer sobbed.

"Shut up. Just hold still and it'll be over soon enough. You'll enjoy it, too. Every fucking second."

Summer held still, while the boy began to kiss her chest. A scared, hurt, uncertain look shifted into her eyes, but in the next instant she was pummeling the boy with her small, but powerful fists. She was still scared, Seth could tell, but now she was hiding that under a mask of confidence. The boy fell backwards, surprised, but quickly regained the upper hand. He dealt three heavy blows to Summer's head, then forced himself onto her again.

Seth covered his eyes with his hands, peeking out from his fingers. He could hardly bear to watch. His body was itching to help Summer, to kill that guy, to hurt him, make him faceless, because Summer didn't deserve this.

"Get off her," Seth cried repeatedly, while the guy had his way with Summer, who was lying quietly with her eyes closed. Was she really letting him have his way...or had she passed out?

Seth stole a glance at the angel, who was watching wretchedly. He ran over to the bed and began shaking the guy, who looked around with a confused expression on his face.

"Seth, stop!" the angel cried, but to no avail. The boy looked at Summer, then around the empty room. A scared look upon his face, he gathered his clothes and tore out of the room.

"Thanks for leaving, bucko," Seth yelled after him. Angrily, he sat down on the bed and began to stroke Summer's hair, which had become tousled during the whole ordeal. He saw that she was not passed out, or at least not anymore. Rather, she was crying softly, as if trying to hide her pain from everyone, but Seth could see her chest rising and falling erratically.

"Please, stop, please," Summer moaned again, and opened her eyes. They opened even more widely when she saw that the boy was gone. But there was no one else in the room. So what was she feeling? Air? She wasn't _that_ drunk; even Holly, the queen of drunks, didn't feel things that weren't there while she was drunk. And Summer hadn't been using either. Drugs were one thing she wouldn't touch, wouldn't let pass through her system.

"Summer, it's me, Seth," Seth said, ignoring the death glare coming from the angel, who had floated…flown? It had flown over and was hovering on the other side of the bed next to Summer.

Summer looked around, shook her head as if she were crazy, and laid it back down on the pillow wearily.

"Come on, we've got to do something, we can't just leave her here," Seth said to the guardian angel, who was motioning to Seth that it was time to leave.

"I think you've done enough, Seth," the angel said harshly, but not without kindness and understanding.

"But…" Seth looked at the raven haired beauty, who was whispering to herself.

"Seth." the angel's voice was becoming impatient. "Let's go. You're in enough trouble as it is."

"No. Let me at least get her home safely," Seth pleaded. "If I'm already getting in trouble, might as well milk it for all it's worth."

The angel threw its hands up in defeat. "Fine. You know this is all going to fall on your shoulders, right?"

"I'd do anything to help her. Anything." Seth's voice cracked. He scooped Summer up and began to walk out of the room. She was in his arms, he could feel her, really feel her. Could she feel him? She must be able to; would she really think that she was flying in the air?

"Seth, if you're going to do this, do it right." The angel pointed to the big bay window. Seth raised his eyebrows, as if to say 'I'm not jumping'. "You're not jumping," the angel affirmed. "I'm going to go get the motorcycle and bring it to the window."

Seth nodded and sat down on the bed; his load wasn't heavy but Summer was definitely making his arms ache a bit. He'd never admit it though, for fear of being called a wimp by Summer and/or Ryan, and making Summer unhappy because she'd assume he thought she was fat. He couldn't win, really he couldn't.

The angel had disappeared but reappeared moments later by the window. The side-car was right up against the window, and the window was just big enough for Seth to hoist Summer and himself into it. She was lying in his lap, arms draped across his shoulders and neck.

Seth enjoyed the cool night air whipping across his face as they flew to Summer's house. Once they got there, Seth was not surprised--but definitely relieved--to see that Summer's father was not home. All the lights were off, and there were no cars in the driveway. The angel parked, and Seth lifted Summer into his arms and carried her into the house. How he got in, he wasn't quite sure. Summer's purse had been left somewhere at the beach house…if she'd even brought one. Now wasn't the time to deal with minutia such as the locked door or a forgotten purse.

He brought her into her very much pink room, and smiled, seeing Princess Sparkles lying on the night table. It was good to know _some_ things didn't change. Summer moaned softly, about a boy named Will. Seth felt it safe to assume that the blonde haired jerk from Holly's party was Will.

"Will…I didn't want to, why did you make me…oh Will," Summer was bawling, quite incoherently. Seth could barely understand her.

"Summer, shh, it's okay," Seth said, even though he knew it wasn't okay and she couldn't hear him. Maybe she could feel him, but they always said 'seeing is believing' and Summer definitely couldn't see him.

--

Seth wasn't sure how long he'd been asleep, but as he awoke he saw a sea of pink. He was still in Summer's room? How had his guardian angel allowed this to happen, how had it gotten permission? Maybe it was part of the plan…

Instinctively, Seth looked over, and saw an empty place beside him on the bed. He'd slept in Summer's bed with her? While he didn't even exist? Wow.

Seth crept downstairs, seeing no signs of his guardian angel or Summer. He heard voices in the kitchen, and went to investigate. Holly and Summer, dressed in coordinating Juicy outfits, were eating bagels.

"So where'd you disappear to last night?" Holly asked, taking a large sip of her orange juice.

Summer stiffened. "That's actually what I wanted to talk to you about, Holl."

"Mmhmm?" Holly said, rooting around in her purse for her cell phone when it started to ring. She flipped the cell phone open and held up a finger to Summer.

"Hey, baby. I'm at Summer's. You do? We are? Okay! I'll meet you at my house in twenty."

Holly giggled for a few more minutes, then closed her cell phone and put it back into her purse. "Sorry, Sum. I've got to go. Brad's planned the whole day for the two of us." She smiled apologetically. "I'll call you later and tell you how it goes!" Summer's whereabouts from the night before forgotten, Holly hugged Summer and left the kitchen.

"Bye, Holl," Summer said dejectedly. Ditched for Brad. As usual. She sighed, placed Holly's empty glass and plate in the sink and left her own breakfast on the table. Suddenly, she'd lost her appetite. Summer walked up the stairs, slowly, so slowly that Seth had to pause at every step or he'd be right on top of her.

Summer felt tears welling up in her eyes. Holly was so lucky, even though Brad was really, really stupid. Luke was supposed to be her boyfriend, but he never did anything for her. If he hadn't been so busy beating up whatever nameless loser, he would've been with Summer, and kept her safe from Will. But he didn't know about Will, and probably wouldn't care. He'd say Summer had been drunk and was dreaming. Or something equally brainless.

She entered her bedroom and closed the door, locking it. Seth had just enough time to slip in before she closed it, though. Summer let her pants drop to the floor and unzipped her hoodie. She took off her bra and underwear and walked over to the full length mirror on the wall.

Both she and Seth gasped when they saw the angry bruises on her legs, arms, and stomach. A small bump was rising on the side of her head.

Summer fell to her knees and began to cry.

Daddy dearest wasn't home, Holly had ditched her, and she had no one. It wasn't as though she could or would spill her emotions to the help, who didn't speak much English.

Seth walked over to Summer and sat down next to her. He didn't touch her, but was close enough that he could almost feel her breathing. She turned her head, looking Seth straight in the face, and Seth realized they were just barely touching noses. Summer sighed, wiped away a tear, and walked over to her dresser. Taking out a bathing suit and small black book, Summer put the bathing suit on--much to Seth's dismay. Now wasn't the time to think of that though, Seth reminded himself. Summer had practically been raped last night and now she was all alone. She had no one.

Summer picked up the black book and grabbed a pen off her desk. She sat down on her bed, legs crossed Indian style, and began to write, ignoring the tears steadily sliding down her face.

Seth watched her write, and once she was done, she left the open book on the bed and walked into the bathroom, shutting the door behind her. Seth heard the sound of water running, and rushed over to the bed. He knew he shouldn't read it, he knew it wasn't the right thing to do, but he had to.

Dear Diary,

Last night I went to Holly's party. And I went upstairs with Will, he's a great guy really, and I've been friends with him for the longest time. First of all, I have a boyfriend, Luke, who is never around to protect me. And I lo…like him a lot. I can't believe Will would try to take advantage of me, especially when I'm sure Luke's told him that I won't have sex. I mean, I know I was drunk and I shouldn't have gone off with Will...but I feel so neglected by Luke sometimes, and Will was there...

You know I'm not ready to take the next step, even though Holly says its fun and no big deal. For her. He kind of forced himself on to me…and we did it. I can't stop thinking about it. I should've tried to fight back, I know I should, but I just couldn't. Besides, he's stronger than me, and I put up a weak fight and he hit me. Will hit me.

It was really weird, because one minute I was squeezing my eyes shut and praying it would be over, and the next, Will's gone and someone's touching my face. But there was no one there. I swear I could've felt something…but it must've been my overactive imagination. The creepy thing is, I don't know how I got home after that. But when I woke up this morning, I was in my own bed and I felt like someone was beside me, protecting me. But of course there was no one there. Still, I could've sworn there was something there.

Holly came over this morning but of course she high-tailed it out of here when Brad called. I don't think she even cares about me anymore. We might be best friends in name, but she's never here for me.

I don't have anyone. All the guys want is ass, and all the girls want is a juicy bit of gossip.

No one loves me. If my dad did, he'd be here. If my mom did, she wouldn't have run away.

It's not worth it. It's just not worth it.

Love, Summer

Seth felt himself being whirled away, before he could even stop to think. He reached up and touched his wet face…had he been crying?

Suddenly, there was solid ground beneath his feet, instead of…well, Seth wasn't sure. He was back in the white room. It was painfully bright, perhaps even brighter than before.

He hadn't gotten to see Summer one last time, to hold her or touch her. Seth knew he wasn't supposed to touch her in the first place, but still he felt empty, as though they hadn't had a proper goodbye.

"I never told her I loved her," Seth said, regretfully. Even if she couldn't hear him, maybe she'd get a loving vibe.

He loved her, needed her.

And as far as Seth could tell, the frightened, lonely girl loved him, needed him too.

A/N: Wow, that was a lot longer than I expected. I think it turned out relatively well, what do you think? Please review!


	6. Wish My Life Back

****

Life Without You

Disclaimer: McG and Josh Schwartz own the O.C., I just wish I did.

Summary: Seth sails away, wondering if anyone really cared about his life. What happens when he wishes to never have been born?

A/N: As always, thanks for the reviews. Sorry for the lack of updates but I've been working on another story (writing the whole thing before posting it for once!) and I guess I just got sidetracked. Anyway, this is the last chapter. So enjoy, and don't forget to review!

Seth Cohen.

That booming voice again.

"God?" Seth asked timidly. He was again in a brilliantly blinding white room, and God's voice was echoing intimidating around him.

Yes, Seth?

"Am I done?" Seth realized he was shaking uncontrollably.

A warm laugh surrounded Seth and he ceased his shivering.

Yes, Seth, you're done.

Seth let out a sigh of relief. He was done. He didn't have to go through any more painful moments with his loved ones. His loved ones. They cared about him a lot, and it was obvious that their lives had changed drastically, and for the most part, for the worst. Seth had never realized how important he was to his friends and family. They needed him. Their lives were worlds apart from the lives they'd lived with Seth around.

But what if that was it? What if he didn't exist anymore, for real? Would he now just not be in their lives? Seth couldn't bear the thought of Summer, his dad, Ryan, and many others living the lives they were living without him.

Would he be allowed back? _I wish I could have my life back,_ Seth thought to himself.

Of course you're allowed back, Seth. What did you think, that this was it? Your wish will be granted.

"Well…I guess I just thought…maybe…it was better…this…way…" Seth stopped when he realized how untrue his words were. It was definitely not better this way. He knew that for sure now. Maybe earlier he'd doubted the importance of his existence, but there was no way he could doubt it now.

Seth, you've learned your lesson relatively well. Some people have to stay up here for a very long time before they learn how vital their life is to the world. The life of one person changes other peoples' lives. It can alter the entire world of a person. Just as you saw with Marissa, who wasn't born because you didn't exist.

"But what about the feeling? Why could they sense my presence? I thought that was against the rules…" Seth asked. Now was as good a time as any to have his questions answered.

You've touched the lives of so many, so deeply that it was impossible for them not to feel your presence. I allowed them to, because that is how much you are cared for. Do you understand now?

Seth understood for the most part. After all, it was God, he wasn't supposed to understand all of God's motives and ideas. But he got the gist of it.

Good. _Now, are you ready to go back?_

Seth nodded. "I am."

The ground beneath him began to swirl and the bright white room faded into pitch black. He began to spin and shut his eyes tight, feeling that uncomfortable weightlessness overcome him, like he was on a roller coaster.

Seth found himself on the Summer Breeze, the harbor in sight. How had he gotten back so quickly? Then Seth smiled. _Thank you, God,_ Seth thought gratefully. It was time to go home, home to a place he never should've left. They needed him. Desperately.

The wind picked up, and Seth raised his sail. Soon he was bumping up against the dock, hurriedly jumping out of his boat and tying it to the dock. He grabbed his small black duffel bag, the one he'd thought would sustain him all the way to Tahiti. Well…more like Catalina, but who had to know that?

He ran down the pier, jumping over ropes and buckets of fish and dirty seawater, sidestepping seagulls and people preparing for a beautiful day of sailing. Seth got to the end of the pier and was relieved to find his skateboard still locked up in the bike rack. He rummaged in his bag for the key to unlock his board and after a few minutes, found it. After grabbing his skateboard, Seth slung his bag over his shoulder and coasted onto dry land.

Seth arrived at his house in record time. He smiled up at the impossibly blue sky, the blue of Ryan's eyes. God was on his side today. _Thank you, God, _Seth thought for the second time. He had forgotten how good it felt to be going home, knowing he had a home to return to, parents and friends that would welcome him with open arms. The California sun, in all of its scorching heat, had never felt so good on Seth's back.

He rang the doorbell. It was time to face the music, or his parents…and the consequences that would go along with his running away. He would accept the grounding with pleasure, at least he'd know he had parents who cared and worried about him and were there to actually ground him.

A disheveled looking Kirsten opened the door slowly, glancing uninterestedly at Seth, then peering out the door.

"Seth?" she asked, as if not willing herself to believe her eyes. Her tall son had gotten tanned and even taller, if that was possible in the two weeks he'd been away. She rubbed her eyes. "Seth!" Kirsten threw herself at Seth, wrapping her arms around her son. He was back.

"Mom," Seth greeted his mother, "I missed you. More than you can imagine."

"Oh, honey, I missed you too. Sandy, Ryan, Seth's home!"

Ryan? Ryan was in Chino…with Theresa and her baby…maybe his baby. Seth shook his head, it would all get cleared up in a matter of minutes.

"You're the best, mom. I know I might not tell you enough, but I love you."

"Sweetie," Kirsten whispered into Seth's hair, "I love you too. It's good to have you back. Life without you just wasn't the same."

Sandy and Ryan rushed to the door. Ryan's hair had been recently trimmed, and Sandy's was slicked back, obviously he'd just gotten back from surfing, or the shower. Kirsten wouldn't release her grip on Seth, almost like she was afraid he'd leave if she didn't hold him close. Seth's eyes lit up when they met Ryan's, and his dad's. They were all here. A family. There were only a few more people he'd have to meet up with later. Namely, Summer and Marissa. He owed Marissa an apology, and Summer a kiss. But that was for later.

Sandy walked around Seth and Kirsten and hugged Seth from the other side. Ryan, without a moment's hesitation, joined in the group hug.

"We missed you, Seth," Sandy said. Ryan nodded.

"I came home and you weren't here," Ryan added. He'd called their house his home. And his home it was too. He was part of the family, now and forever.

Well, I came here and you weren't here, dad wasn't here, and mom, you were Kirsten Cooper, Seth thought to himself. He said, "I missed you dad. I missed your bad jokes and especially your eyebrows. And Ryan, you've been like a brother to me. I can't thank you enough. But why'd you come home? I mean, I'm happy and all, because when you left I was devastated, but what about Theresa?"

Ryan smiled sadly. "Theresa lost the baby, Seth. She forced me to come home after she found out, said I had a family waiting for me. And she was right. But when I came home, and you weren't here, things were different. Life without you just wasn't the same."

He'd called them his family! Seth truly felt like he belonged, like he had a family. A real one. And they cared, a lot--about him. And Ryan had said it--life without him wasn't the same.

Slowly, they broke apart their embrace. "Let's go inside," Kirsten suggested. Ryan walked into the house, followed by Kirsten. Sandy and Seth walked side by side.

"Dad, I love you," Seth said, smiling at his dad. This was possibly the greatest day. He was there, in their lives. Sandy wasn't living in a disgusting apartment in Harlem. His mom wasn't married to Jimmy Cooper. Ryan wasn't being shot and arrested in the course of one day.

Sandy ruffled his son's hair affectionately. "Don't think sucking up will get you a smaller punishment. But I have to admit, just the fact that you're home will reduce your punishment. Life without you just wasn't the same."

"I'm not sucking up," Seth said seriously, "I really do love you. And I'm so glad you're here…and not in Harlem."

Sandy stared curiously at Seth. "I think you've had too much sun."

If only you knew…Seth thought to himself.

After catching up with his family, Seth politely excused himself from the kitchen table, where a big stack of pancakes and eggs--courtesy of Ryan--was still waiting to be eaten.

"I've got to go…find Marissa and Summer," Seth said, standing up.

"Marissa?" Ryan raised his eyebrows. "She told me you were mad at her and said some pretty harsh stuff to her."

"Yeah," Seth rolled his eyes, "That's why I've got to find her. To apologize."

"Okay," Ryan said, "Tell her I'll call her later."

So Ryan and Marissa were back together. That was a relief. Much as they were sickeningly sweet and _too_ perfect for each other, Seth wanted his friends to be happy.

Sandy threw the keys to the Range Rover at him. "Marissa doesn't live next door any more," he explained. Seth nodded his head. Oh, right. How could he have forgotten his grandfather's wedding to Marissa's mom?

"Thanks dad. I love you. I love all of you."

Seth quickly drove to Marissa's new house. Once he'd gotten there, he was surprised, because he had never been there before and had no directions. Once again he smiled knowingly at the skies above. _Thank you, God,_ for the third time. And it wouldn't be the last.

He rang the doorbell of the impressive house…it was more like a palace though. Julie Cooper--rather, Nichol--answered the door.

"Hello, Seth," she said, smiling for once. And it wasn't a fake smile. Seth guessed his grandfather made her really happy…that grossed him out though…and Caleb was also loaded, so that was probably another plus for Julie.

"Hi, Julie." Was he supposed to call her Grandma? Because she was the last person he'd think of being a Grandma, his Grandma no less. "Is Marissa here?"

"Yeah…" Julie paused, "She's up in her room. Probably on the phone with Ryan. Why don't you go upstairs? Marissa's room is the third room on the right."

Seth stepped into the foyer, which was extremely large. Beautiful, too. He walked up the stairs and passed his grandfather, who walked by, then spun around. "Seth?"

"Grandpa," Seth answered, hugging Caleb stiffly.

"When did you get back?" Caleb asked, wondering why no one had called him.

"Just today. Like, two hours ago," Seth said quickly. "I'll talk to you later, okay?"

Caleb nodded and continued down the stairs. Seth walked down the hall and knocked on the third door on the right. This house was impressive. His grandfather had really outdone himself.

"Come in," Marissa yelled. Seth could hear Modest Mouse blaring on the other side of the door. He smiled, remembering his disbelief when he found out he liked the same music as Marissa Cooper. Miss Popularity. That had been a long time ago though.

"Hi." Seth opened the door. Marissa's eyes widened, and she picked up a remote and turned off the music.

"Seth?" she asked cautiously. "What are you doing home? And what are you doing here?"

"It was time to come home," Seth told her. "And I came to see you."

Marissa's eyes narrowed suspiciously. "What, so you can bitch at me some more?"

"No." Seth sat down on Marissa's bed. Her room overlooked the ocean, and had a beautiful little balcony. "I came to apologize."

Marissa's eyes softened their glare. "Oh."

"Look, I shouldn't have said those things. I didn't believe Ryan about Oliver either, and it definitely wasn't your fault he left. I mean, it's not like _you _got Theresa pregnant…"

She smiled a little, despite herself. "True," she agreed, and seemed to be waiting for more.

"And I just wanted to say I'm glad you're here."

"As opposed to…?"

Seth thought for a second. "Rehab." It was the first thing that came to mind. Marissa smiled. "You've been good for Ryan. He's lucky to have you, Marissa."

Life without Marissa would've definitely been different…and not in a good way. Seth actually kind of thought she'd make a good friend, and resolved to get to know her better. Truth be told, Ryan would be a totally different person without her, and Seth wouldn't even have met Summer without Marissa. In some twisted, tangled way, it made sense to Seth.

Seth leaned over and hugged Marissa. "It's good to have you back," she whispered, "Life without you just wasn't the same. For any of us."

They all cared about him. They really, really cared about him. It was shocking, yet pleasing. Seth bid Marissa, Caleb, and Julie good bye and got into the Range Rover. He sped over to Summer's house, he'd put off seeing her long enough.

Seth knocked on the door three times. Mr. Roberts answered it, peering suspiciously at him. "No, we don't need any Girl Scout cookies," he said, and began to close the door.

"Wait, Mr. Roberts, can I talk to Summer?"

"Seth?" Neil Roberts opened the door widely. "Come in, why didn't you say it was you?"

Seth shrugged and followed the distinguished looking man into the house. The last time he'd met Summer's father, he hadn't exactly taken a shining to Seth. But now he was being nice, or at the very least, cordial.

"Summer's upstairs," Mr. Roberts said. "She's been holed up in her room since you left. Please get her to come out, eat something."

Seth nodded and ran up the stairs. He knocked on Summer's door, and pressed his ear up against it. He could hear Summer sobbing softly.

"Go away, Daddy," she screamed. "I don't want to talk to you!"

"It's me, Seth," Seth said. He heard Summer sniff loudly.

"Stop playing games, Dad, it's really not funny."

"But Summer, I'm back, please just open the door!" Seth whined. He heard Summer's footsteps growing closer to the door.

"If this is a joke…" she opened the door and saw Seth standing there, flesh and bone. "It's not a joke," she said faintly. Seth hugged her tightly, telling himself to never let her go. She relaxed in Seth's embrace for a moment. Then gently removed her small body from his arms and slapped him across the face. "That's for leaving."

"Ow!" Seth rubbed the spot where he'd just been hit. Summer slapped him again, but this time a little more gently.

"_That's _for leaving me a letter. A two line letter. 'Dear Summer, I know you probably won't understand, but I had to leave for a while. Don't know when, or if, I'll be back. Love, Seth.' How could you do that!?"

Seth rubbed his face again. "I guess I did deserve that," he commented. He cupped Summer's chin in his hand. "Summer, I love you."

"Then why did you leave?" He bent down so his tanned face was eye level with her tear-stained face.

"I guess leaving made me realize what I had back home. And how much it meant to me," Seth said. She really cared. She loved him, and had missed him.

"But you didn't even say bye to me," Summer whimpered, tears flowing down her beautiful face. Seth was pretty sure they were tears of happiness that he was home, but a few tears were for the pain she'd endured during his absence.

"If I'd come to say goodbye, I wouldn't have been able to leave," Seth explained.

"Oh, Seth." Summer buried her head in Seth's chest, sobbing.

"I love you, Summer," Seth said softly, rubbing her back. He loved her so much, and was beginning to see how much his leaving had hurt her.

"I love you too…Seth," Summer replied, in a low, almost incoherent tone. "I'm so glad you're home. Life without you…it sucked. It just wasn't the same."

"It's good to be home," Seth whispered, delicately kissing Summer's head. She tilted her head up and their lips met.

Seth had learned his lesson, all right. Life without him just wasn't the same. _Thank you, God_, Seth thought to himself, before letting himself get caught up in a kiss with the girl he loved.

You see, Seth, life without you was a different life for each of your friends and family.

Seth couldn't believe his ears. God was still communicating with him? "I see," he said out loud, practically into Summer's mouth.

"What?" she asked, confused.

"Nothing," Seth replied, and kissed her passionately.

He was home, and nothing in the world would make him want to leave again.

A/N: So there you have it. Liked the ending? Hated it? Let me know! Also, be on the lookout for a new story from me sometime soon. Thanks for reading!

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